I. find. youuu!

A CCB will always date guys that say they don't want anything serious. Oh, but we know better. Oh yea.

UGH. Does he like me or not???

I am going to my sister's house today and I'm on the fence about whether I should bring my ipad or iphone, and if I do, if I should let my nephew know I have them on me. I hate to sound needy but I'm beginning to think that's all he's interested in.

I guarantee he'll be asking about them within 10 minutes of seeing me. Will he ask about my day or week, or comment on how nice my hair looks? Hell no. He's going to start talking about himself and whatever stupid shirt he's wearing. And then he's going to start pointing at random shit. And when he's done telling me about the random shit, he's going to want to look at vid-os of robots and power rangers and take pictures. I'm not stupid, I know exactly what that means.

When we first became friends, I was happy to share my stuff and even encourage the interest because I thought we were spending quality time together, exploring these things TWO-GETHER, the two of us. But then I began to see that he doesn't give a shit about which spiderman video I want to watch, or what dinosaur or strawberry donut pictures I want to look at. It's all about him. And now I'm starting to wonder if our sharing is actually just him using me. Are you beginning to understand my conundrum?

The easy solution is to stop offering up the i-goods, right? Because if I do that and he still pays attention to me, that would mean he likes me. At the same time, I hate to not offer them up, because I do enjoy our i-time, and then I'd just be punishing myself. And who wants to play games anyway? He either likes me or he doesn't. The absence or presence of i-stuff isn't going to change that.

He HAS to like me, though. I mean, ok, he is always willing to give me hugs. I do have to ask for them, but he always complies even when his mom isn't watching. And he's always super happy to sit beside me. We do often end up looking at the ipad when sitting together, but I don't think that is the ONLY thing generating his desire for the sitfests. And when it's picture taking time, he does sometimes include me in the photoshoots. He usually wants to be in all of the pictures, and he wants to be in front, and I am only included after he's taken 56 pictures of himself, BUT still--he wants me in the photos. Why would he want me to be in pictures with him if he didn't like me? Especially when he knows I'm going to post them on Facebook where EVERYONE will see. Plus--he always shares his potato chips with me. Even though I am the one who first brings him the potato chips, at his request, and sure, maybe the ones he hands me have already been in his mouth, in his brother's mouth, or on the floor. Still, he does hand them to me voluntarily without me asking, which means he wants to take care of me.

When a guy feeds you, that means he likes you, right?

Ima Cutter

Noooo not like that, stupid. (Not that there's anything wrong with that?) I like to cut things OUT. Like pictures. From magazines and newspapers and other stuff. Hello. Look at all my awesome pictures. You want a fish? Oh I got your fish. Rabbits? I see three. Flowers? Um, tattoo or real? You're gonna need to be more specific. Numbers, letters, stars, DOMINOES. Holy crap! And there's lots more where that came from.

What do I do with all these? I glue them on shit. Anytime I need a picture to glue, I can flip through my pages here and find the perfect thing. Shapes with lots of air and space, bam. Filled in shapes, colorful shapes, b-BAM. Shapes with lines, shapes with curves, block shapes, roundy shapes, BAM BAMBAMMABM-BAM BAM! I have it. And after tomorrow, they will all be bound in a 3-ring binder, courtesy of my sister who always has all the school supplies, uh huh.

So, yeah, I am good at cutting things out. But it's not all skill. For quality cuts, you also need the right hardware, and I have definitely lucked out in that department. When I am holding my scissors, I feel like one lucky girl. I had a hair dresser once who loved his scissors, he told me so the first time we met. I had never heard anyone say this before, but OMG I knew exactly how he felt. "I love my scissors, too!!!"...

This magic moment, so different and so new, was like any other, until I met you. And then it happened, it took me by surprise, I knew that you felt it too, I could see it by the look in your eyes.... sweeter than wine, la la la la la

And then it was ON.

Mystery is sick

Not sure why but Mystery has been feeling under the weather today. She didn't even come to get her breakfast and she is NOT one to miss a meal so I knew something was up.

Here is the picture I took of her sick face


She's such an expressive kitty! To show you just how much, I've uploaded some more pics.

The many faces of Mystery...

Startled


Excited (perched on her new cat tree)

A closer look at the excitement


Serious


Giddy


Seductive


Her giddy look is my favorite so I canvas-ized it


Btw, Ambrina strongly believes I favor her over my other 1 + 2 cats but that's NOT true. Mystery is just a princess-babydoll-loveybutt-munchkin-babyface-bunny who needs a lil extra attention. Anyone that thinks otherwise really needs to get A LIFE.

Dating in the 21st Century in America

All CCBs will know what this picture means but for those that aren't one, YET, this picture represents rose (or sex) colored glasses, which we all seem to wear while dating/sexing.

This post elaborates more on #3 of Ambrina's post below. I originally wrote this for a friend who was getting back into the dating world and so wanted to give her a heads up of my experiences the last several years. To list some types, for which to look out. By the way, most of the ‘examples’ used here are not examples at all but what has actually happened. If you're a CCB, you will likely recognize most of these. This is by no means a comprehensive list of all the types so feel free to add any of your own in the comments section below.

The Name Dropper: This guy will prematurely ejaculate if you even mention Armani. He thinks the kind of car he drives and the watch he wears is the most important thing in the world. He is one helluva superficial and pretentious guy. Oh he’ll claim that he would love to quit his job and move to a developing country to build an orphanage but when it comes right down to it, he’s more likely to be much more moved to tears over a Versace sale.

The Married (sort of): This guy claims he and his wife are married only for the kids but they do their own ‘thing.’ You confirm this with mutual friends. FINE. Let me warn you though that this guy is an insecure jerkface. He can’t even pretend to not be an insecure jerkface because it oozes out of his pores (or via his mid-life crisis balding head). Insecure because he preys on the drunk girls cause he just can’t handle the rejection. And talk about self-absorbed -- it’s all about him! If a couple mins of ‘pleasure’ were good, then he’d be FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC!

The One You WISHED You Liked: He’s the one contacting you A LOT to get together. Maybe he thinks you’re playing hard to get even though you’re really playing ‘not interested!’ He does ask you out often, is attentive, and seems genuinely interested in dating. AND, he’s not that bad looking. The problem is that there’s just not much going on in terms of chemistry. He’s just not that interesting (could be a little dim-witted actually). You could give it a try a few times but you can’t force it. Oh and drinking more during the dates doesn’t help you like him better. SIGH.

The Professional Student: Doesn’t take life that seriously but does think he is the most enlightened person ever. This is due to over-exposure of the academic world. So this person knows all the theories and philosophies but hasn’t really experienced anything related to it. Rejects the typical working world society only because he doesn’t have a real job. He’d rather argue his stance (to anyone who will listen) than to practice them. Oh and he would rather be skipping barefoot at the dog park all day with his dog but not before making out with the dog (while you sit idly by). P.S., his dissertation makes NO god damned sense!

The Man-Child-Girl: This is the same person as The Professional Student but I thought he fell into this category as well. When the guy has the same bodily frame as you, they will probably put you in front of them when faced with an armed robber. And most importantly, they just don’t look quite right when they dance.

The Flake: You like this guy more and more each time you go out. You find more things in common and eventually you decide, after initially finding him sort of platonic, that you wouldn’t mind kissing this guy. And this guy seems interested too because he’s contacting you and asking you out. So you’ve went on a few dates. Then, the communication seems to get fewer. Do NOT contact him, only reply IF you’re interested (and curious). He doesn’t pursue anymore dates but does contact you about random stuff (weather and other small talk BS) so you don’t think he’s completely disinterested but he’s not specifically asking you out. WTF? Oh and the third date might have gotten a little hot and heavy but ‘nothing’ happened, well except that he put his genital in your hand. Apparently placing genitals into hands nowadays doesn’t mean what it used to. I’ve still yet to figure this one out but in case you encounter this, know you’re not alone. Double SIGH.

The Controller/Manipulator: Apparently he thinks that breaking into your facebook and email accounts are not that big of a deal (even after having dated only about a month or so). RUN!!!

The International: This is the same person as The Controller, but fell under another category as well. This person doesn’t know what the hell air quotes are and “uses” them “incorrectly” ALL “th”e T”I”ME” (too much Austin Powers, perhaps?). It’s very annoying and you’ll eventually lose all respect for him (well, if you didn’t already after he broke into all your shit).

The WTF Guy: There are all sorts of WTFs here. You had a pretty good time the first couple dates. The third date he wants you to stay with him for the weekend. WTF? He wants to get too close too fast. Sorry but HE doesn’t get to see me in my morning hair and weekend underwear til I’m good and ready. So you reject that offer and you don’t hear from him….for 2 months. Then you get a random text saying he misses you and doesn’t want the friendship to end. WTF? Misses what, exactly, and what friendship? The excuse he comes up with for not contacting you this whole time is because his mom and dog got cancer and his work has been suffering as a result and things have been really hard and hectic. And oh hey, do you want to go to the beach for memorial weekend? W.T.F. Bye.

The Social (aka, The Alcoholic): There appears to be a large number of guys in this category. Or maybe I'm just highly attracted to them (thanks, Daddy!). He's at the bar every other night. His family and friends always know where to find him. The bartenders all know him by name and all his favorite drinks. He says he's just a really social guy so just lay off, will ya?! The mood swings, pass outs/blackouts, flirting incessantly with the women at the bar are just all part of his winning "social" personality. You should be lucky to have such a fun sociable guy in your life!The Old Flame/First Love: I think most of us have had experience with this. Remember one very very important thing: If it didn’t work out the first 32 times, it most likely won’t work THIS time. Also, they (and the problems you both encountered with one another) always get worse as time goes by even though loyalty (AND history) are apparently both very powerful brands (Armani, perhaps?) of rose-colored glasses. They never ever change. Sure they might change what their favorite video game is, the tilt of their TV screen, or even their underwear from time to time, but nothing profound such as their character/attitude/loser-dom.

The Guy You Don’t Remember (because you were too drunk the night out you met him): This simply can’t end well but I will have to tell you more about this one later. I’m meeting him later this evening.

Disclaimer: I do enjoy dating here and there and do so ONLY for male companionship. I wouldn't mind a committed relationship with someone compatible, however, I do NOT intend or even have any desire to get married. I’ve always assumed that if I even attempted marriage (ugh), the odds are completely against me, so I’d either get divorced or be in prison for murdering my spouse and allowing my cats to eat his corpse.Btw, the significance of an ex is determined by the amount of weight loss that occurs after a break-up.

Note to guys: 'Anorexia' level is the highest regard. If anorexia level = high, congratulations, you're a huge asshole.

You might be a CCB if...

1. You have a cat and the relationship you share is complicated. Roxanna has four cats but only claims to have two, one of which she likes better than the rest and communicates with telepathically. I don’t actually have any cats, but I sometimes lie about having an intention to get one. Plus I leave my Christmas tree up all year, so I’ve pretty much got this one covered because that’s like having six special needs cats.

2. Your hair and weight are of equal concern, are always on your mind, and have a great impact on your self worth. Forever and always.

3. Your dating history exhibits a pattern of romantic involvement with guys who fall into at least two of the following groups: gay guys, fat guys, alcoholics, potheads, professional students, guys who don’t like you, exes, and, ahem, “artists”. If most of your dates have dental insurance, or shit, any kind of insurance, then you probably are not a CCB. I don’t have any dates to begin with, so, yeah.

4. You have cable tv. Lots and lots of cable tv. And internet. Because that is where your life happens.
5. You care about making compassionate food choices, even if you sometimes fail miserably. And you like cake and avocados. Especially compassionately-made cake and locally grown avocados (do they grow those locally?). If you don’t like frosting or if you prefer the frosting:cake ratio to favor cake, then you are not a CCB, you’re just a big fat B. All CCBs know that the best way to save calories is to eat less of the cake part.

Sylvester is grounded

Sylvester came home drunk last night. Granted it was New Years Eve but he knows better. He is currently hungover, which may just be punishment enough.

Here is to sober days in the New Year, Sly!