This post elaborates more on #3 of Ambrina's post below. I originally wrote this for a friend who was getting back into the dating world and so wanted to give her a heads up of my experiences the last several years. To list some types, for which to look out. By the way, most of the ‘examples’ used here are not examples at all but what has actually happened. If you're a CCB, you will likely recognize most of these. This is by no means a comprehensive list of all the types so feel free to add any of your own in the comments section below.
The Name Dropper: This guy will prematurely ejaculate if you even mention Armani. He thinks the kind of car he drives and the watch he wears is the most important thing in the world. He is one helluva superficial and pretentious guy. Oh he’ll claim that he would love to quit his job and move to a developing country to build an orphanage but when it comes right down to it, he’s more likely to be much more moved to tears over a Versace sale.
The Married (sort of): This guy claims he and his wife are married only for the kids but they do their own ‘thing.’ You confirm this with mutual friends. FINE. Let me warn you though that this guy is an insecure jerkface. He can’t even pretend to not be an insecure jerkface because it oozes out of his pores (or via his mid-life crisis balding head). Insecure because he preys on the drunk girls cause he just can’t handle the rejection. And talk about self-absorbed -- it’s all about him! If a couple mins of ‘pleasure’ were good, then he’d be FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC!
The One You WISHED You Liked: He’s the one contacting you A LOT to get together. Maybe he thinks you’re playing hard to get even though you’re really playing ‘not interested!’ He does ask you out often, is attentive, and seems genuinely interested in dating. AND, he’s not that bad looking. The problem is that there’s just not much going on in terms of chemistry. He’s just not that interesting (could be a little dim-witted actually). You could give it a try a few times but you can’t force it. Oh and drinking more during the dates doesn’t help you like him better. SIGH.
The Professional Student: Doesn’t take life that seriously but does think he is the most enlightened person ever. This is due to over-exposure of the academic world. So this person knows all the theories and philosophies but hasn’t really experienced anything related to it. Rejects the typical working world society only because he doesn’t have a real job. He’d rather argue his stance (to anyone who will listen) than to practice them. Oh and he would rather be skipping barefoot at the dog park all day with his dog but not before making out with the dog (while you sit idly by). P.S., his dissertation makes NO god damned sense!
The Man-Child-Girl: This is the same person as The Professional Student but I thought he fell into this category as well. When the guy has the same bodily frame as you, they will probably put you in front of them when faced with an armed robber. And most importantly, they just don’t look quite right when they dance.
The Flake: You like this guy more and more each time you go out. You find more things in common and eventually you decide, after initially finding him sort of platonic, that you wouldn’t mind kissing this guy. And this guy seems interested too because he’s contacting you and asking you out. So you’ve went on a few dates. Then, the communication seems to get fewer. Do NOT contact him, only reply IF you’re interested (and curious). He doesn’t pursue anymore dates but does contact you about random stuff (weather and other small talk BS) so you don’t think he’s completely disinterested but he’s not specifically asking you out. WTF? Oh and the third date might have gotten a little hot and heavy but ‘nothing’ happened, well except that he put his genital in your hand. Apparently placing genitals into hands nowadays doesn’t mean what it used to. I’ve still yet to figure this one out but in case you encounter this, know you’re not alone. Double SIGH.
The Controller/Manipulator: Apparently he thinks that breaking into your facebook and email accounts are not that big of a deal (even after having dated only about a month or so). RUN!!!
The International: This is the same person as The Controller, but fell under another category as well. This person doesn’t know what the hell air quotes are and “uses” them “incorrectly” ALL “th”e T”I”ME” (too much Austin Powers, perhaps?). It’s very annoying and you’ll eventually lose all respect for him (well, if you didn’t already after he broke into all your shit).
The WTF Guy: There are all sorts of WTFs here. You had a pretty good time the first couple dates. The third date he wants you to stay with him for the weekend. WTF? He wants to get too close too fast. Sorry but HE doesn’t get to see me in my morning hair and weekend underwear til I’m good and ready. So you reject that offer and you don’t hear from him….for 2 months. Then you get a random text saying he misses you and doesn’t want the friendship to end. WTF? Misses what, exactly, and what friendship? The excuse he comes up with for not contacting you this whole time is because his mom and dog got cancer and his work has been suffering as a result and things have been really hard and hectic. And oh hey, do you want to go to the beach for memorial weekend? W.T.F. Bye.
The Social (aka, The Alcoholic): There appears to be a large number of guys in this category. Or maybe I'm just highly attracted to them (thanks, Daddy!). He's at the bar every other night. His family and friends always know where to find him. The bartenders all know him by name and all his favorite drinks. He says he's just a really social guy so just lay off, will ya?! The mood swings, pass outs/blackouts, flirting incessantly with the women at the bar are just all part of his winning "social" personality. You should be lucky to have such a fun sociable guy in your life!The Old Flame/First Love: I think most of us have had experience with this. Remember one very very important thing: If it didn’t work out the first 32 times, it most likely won’t work THIS time. Also, they (and the problems you both encountered with one another) always get worse as time goes by even though loyalty (AND history) are apparently both very powerful brands (Armani, perhaps?) of rose-colored glasses. They never ever change. Sure they might change what their favorite video game is, the tilt of their TV screen, or even their underwear from time to time, but nothing profound such as their character/attitude/loser-dom.
The Guy You Don’t Remember (because you were too drunk the night out you met him): This simply can’t end well but I will have to tell you more about this one later. I’m meeting him later this evening.
Disclaimer: I do enjoy dating here and there and do so ONLY for male companionship. I wouldn't mind a committed relationship with someone compatible, however, I do NOT intend or even have any desire to get married. I’ve always assumed that if I even attempted marriage (ugh), the odds are completely against me, so I’d either get divorced or be in prison for murdering my spouse and allowing my cats to eat his corpse.Btw, the significance of an ex is determined by the amount of weight loss that occurs after a break-up.
Note to guys: 'Anorexia' level is the highest regard. If anorexia level = high, congratulations, you're a huge asshole.
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