What's hot, part I

What's hot in 2012? Christmas trees. And three years ago I decided to leave mine up all year. These things are guy magnets--they are almost as hot as cats that need regular insulin shots. It's ridiculous, really, how predictable men are around them--the look of joyful surprise, then the approach followed by the study... In the midst of the rush, I do try to explain that it's not really a Christmas tree and that it's just a tree that I use to hang things on--I don't want them to learn this later and feel embarrassed for all the slobbering--but they don't care.

Not a lot of dates get to see the tree, though. The tree, in fact, is one of the reasons I'm very careful about having dates over. Aside from not knowing what to do with them (do they want to watch tv? what channel? can they hear it? is it too loud? coffee water alcohol? will they think I'm trying to get them drunk? do they need to use the bathroom? when are they leaving? should I ask or stand by the door? SHOULD I PLUG IN THE TREE??), I like to be a woman of mystery and keep some cards in my pocket. I don't want to show all the good stuff up front and give them the impression that I'm some cool ass chick--middle aged divorcee WITH a Christmas tree, hello, ch-ching-- only to disappoint them with my humanity later on. [You found me out. I am a real female person. I grocery shop, my body produces fat cells, and I like tv. Can I have yours? I am truly sorry.]

So the apartment, and thus the Christmas tree, are generally off limits to all but platonic friends. Well, and one guy I dated two years ago. But I was really drunk that time and thought it would be fun to paint ornaments.

Oh yeah, that. Ornaments. Painting ornaments might be hot in 2012, we'll see.

But anyway, what IS hot in 2012? Christmas trees. When the cats out of the bag, who needs milkshakes? My Christmas tree brings all the boys to the yard, hi.