I learned today that my borrowing privileges at the library have once again been suspended. Whoop tee do. And this time—perhaps because it happened so close to the last time, which was 2 weeks ago—it wasn’t just hurtful. I have to admit that it was also a little eye opening. I realized that I am not a good listener.
I knew the suspension was coming. Their automated system warned me a few days ago with the usual email that provides some info about why they hate me including the name of the offending book. Despite this courtesy, though, I found myself offended and shocked (as always) when I received the suspension notice.
I am a selective listener
I only hear what I want to hear. And out of the things I hear, I only believe the parts I want to believe. And then inside of the parts I hear AND believe is a smaller select group of things I will actually do something about. So, about 1/3 of 100% equals 33.something, minus probably half, equals .... wha?
The amount of things I act on is a small complex number that is unknown because it requires dividing odd fractional numbers by 2s. I don’t do that.
I use selective listening in many aspects of my life. Obviously with libraries and loans, but also with things like dating. Which is probably why I am single and no one wants to take me on dates. Well that, and the fact that I am fat. But I find in dating, I often ignore comments that do not support what I want.
Stop yelling.
You criticize me too much.
I wish you would stop badmouthing my friends.
Let’s do something besides watch tv.
Let’s talk about something besides tv.
Do you even like me?
This is not working.
I would like to date other people.
I am dating other people.
I have a girlfriend and she is not you.
You’re fat.
Bliss
Selective listening can sound like a bad thing, but by using it in dating, I have ultimate control and I can have the exact relationship that I want to have. This is one in which my boyfriend is in fact my boyfriend and he loves me and wants to have sex with only me forever and always despite how fat I am, and he also wants to spend all kinds of time doing fun things with me like planning our tv schedule for the next 24 hours, or however far the onscreen Comcast Guide will take us. Plus I am always right.
To achieve this high standard of relationship quality, I simply filter out anything I see or hear that does not support the relationship I wish to have.
O-M-G
With selective listening, anything my boyfriend does to contradict this picture of bliss—anything that makes it through my filter, that is—hits me out of the blue and is therefore confusing, hurtful, shocking, and way unfair.
Because of this obvious injustice, I can then get mad and blow up his phone and email leaving messages filled with curse words. I can also gain the pity of all of my friends, and sometimes even his friends, or at least the ones who weren’t already avoiding me. If I see him out in public, I can throw fits and everyone will support me because I am right. It does not matter what he said before. Those comments do not exist because I did not hear them and therefore any references to them are LIES. ALL LIES.
I learned this from my boyfriends
I am not the only one in my relationships who uses selective listening. My boyfriends also use selective listening. Their reasoning is a little different from mine, though, and is for selfish purposes. They use selective listening because they just don’t give a shit about what I have to say. (But it’s ok, I didn’t hear that, la la.) MINE is because I
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